Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Empty Pages

Hmm...What to say? This is a blog...yes...and it is my never really thought I would be one to have a blog or "online journal" as I'd like to call it. It's not that I don't like to write, I do. I guess I have always just read others blogs and figured I could never have my own due to the fact that I'd probably forget that I had it and would more then likely never keep it updated. So we'll see how this turns out. :)

I'm one of those people who LOVES buying journals (and ANY sort of planner and office supplies for that's weird I know) with good intentions to write in them every single day  so that one day my children will be able to read about their mother and the things that happened in her life. But unfortunately I never find my way to the end of the cute journal that I just 'had to have". I still buy them though...and I still intend to write in them...and I will...all the way day.

I ask myself, why I keep buying these journals, especially since I never find the end of them? And after thinking about it for a little bit I came to the conclusion that I suppose it's like the journal represents a fresh start, a new beginning. It represents the excitement of all the wonderful adventures yet to be had and the colorful words and stories to be jotted down on those crisp, fresh, white pages...telling a represents my life to come. These thoughts led me to another question. What do I want to fill the empty pages of my journal with? What will all the words on pages of my life say when I'm gone?

Each of us have our own journal, whether it be a blog, a diary, a notebook, or even just the memories and experiences we carry with us in our minds still waiting to be written down. A journal, like life, carries with it, filled pages of our past, half jotted thoughts of our present, and empty sheets of our future. The filled pages of our past do not dictate what is written in our present or even what is to be filled in our future. We can write our own story.

Life has its ups and downs, its hard times, good times, its tears and laughter, its scary unknowns and its moments of incredible excitement. When it's all said and done, it' up to us how we choose to react to life as it happens around us. Do we want to sit and watch others live or do we want to live? Autobiographer or Biographer? We don't have to be afraid of what life may throw our way. God has not given us the spirit of fear, we can walk courageously, even during those times that seem so hard.

I am in a place in my life where extreme change is happening. I'm following the direction of the Lord, moving away, spreading my wings so to speak, from my family, my home, my church family, my friends...all I've really ever known, and I'm starting a new...alone. I am a person who loves change and new things but there is also a side of me that likes consistency and stability...again, I'm weird, I know. Now, I can choose to sit and think about all the lonely times I will have and how the people that I love and cherish so dearly won't be around me all the time as they once were...and I actually have sat and thought about all that...and it made me very made me cry too (which is really no surprise if you know me at all). But I had to realize that this is a new chapter in my journal and it's up to me how I want this transition to take place. Yes, I know there will be some days that are harder then others but I choose to dry the tears, be a big girl, hold my head up and look forward. I choose to write on those fresh, clean, soon to be not so empty pages of my journal called life, and write a story like never before. I am filled with excitement when I think of all that is still to happen before me. All the experiences to be had, people to meet, friendships to build, love to's all waiting for me to grab on to.

This chapter in my journal will not just represent a chapter in my life's journey but my spiritual journey as well. There is still so much more depths to go in my relationship with the Lord and I can't wait to get to know Him more. And ya know? I'm not really alone. I'm only a short trip, phone call, text message, letter, email, Skype away from the people I love. But even more importantly, He'll be right beside me the whole way. Because He's part of my story too. All the pages that I have ever written and ever will write will bare His mark on them without a doubt, because He isn't just a part of my story, He is my story...without Him I'd have no story at all and my journal would be full of pages with meaningless words.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Because I have made Him my story, I hope and pray that maybe, just maybe, one day, someone will pick up my journal and will see just how much He means to me and that it will cause them to want to get to know Him more for themselves. That's what I want my journal to say about me.

Tomorrow is a new day full of fresh starts. So, as I close my first and very lengthy blog entry, I ask you, What will you fill the empty pages of your journal with?